Photo: Tony David Photography.
Dear Future Me:
This present form of us that is currently seeking your ear is begging for no judgment. Any thoughts, any opinions, any suggestions… All those “what ifs” on your full plate of what you think I should have done or could have been are not welcome here. Whoever I am now cannot be altered by the time you read this letter. Whether that time may be later today, tomorrow, in a week, in a month, in a year, in a decade, and so forth, the past cannot be changed. Only control of the future is essentially in our hands.
The amount I weight now only contains thoughts that pertain to my relevant outlook on it. No matter how much you may kill yourself over reflections on the increased or decreased state you sought for me to be in, it won’t impact the impression that will forever be indented in this very moment. I haven’t ran in two weeks since I left for The Netherlands, though, so I’m feeling quite sluggish in our now… maybe I’ll get back into the groove of it today…
The length of my hair will not miraculously alter with your vocal outbursts and exclamations that verbalize your praise or disdain. You know how easily we get bored with maintaining a cut for an extended period of time, so I was just simply looking for a change to momentarily alleviate that dismay towards a dull style.
The number of hours I sleep on average (about five hours during the week and about nine hours for the most part on the weekends right now… if you were wondering…) should not bother you in any way, shape, or form. The memories I have made on those sleepless nights, as well as the satisfaction of knowing stories were worth skipping for the nights I opted to pass out at a decent time, make it all worth it. But I am privy to the fact that sleep deprivation and irregularity of sleep patterns mess with your physical and mental health, so I promise I will work on improving that poor trait of ours.
The time I disperse my dedication to various aspects of my life will still remain true at every point from here on out down the line. Trust me, I’ve already put too much energy towards negative criticism I’ve had for our younger self that first chose to go part-time in college back in 2015. Or into the time frame of us that ultimately decided to forgo an athletic scholarship back in 2012. And while we’re at it, let’s not forget all those missed chances at first kisses with crushes, perfect scores on exams, and using free-time more effectively. But why criticize us when those choices were clearly the right ones in our minds in those moments?
I’ve adopted a mantra over the years as the sand in our hourglass slowly falls into an endless abyss of past possibilities and dreams; a mantra that I strongly abide by in my weakest hours and hope it can do the same for others by helping to bring it to manifestation by ingraining it into their lives: “Everything happens for a reason.” If I went away to school for running in the fragile state of mind that I was in at the time, maybe I would have had an irrevocable mental breakdown. If I completed school in the allotted five years that it typically takes a civil engineering student to do at City College, maybe I would have never befriended or formed these unbreakable bonds with the wonderful people I am lucky enough to currently have surrounding me. If I began working a full-time job in the field of my major, maybe I would have never found the time to discover our love of traveling and the world.
All these maybes…
Just worry about yourself in this moment and the work you can exert your energy towards in creating a brighter light to illuminate our most pristine future.
I’m doing fine now.
I got you.
I got us.
Love <3 Present Me.